Unstable Love

It's Ash's first day at the local mental hospital as an interim physician after graduating from college.

On his first day, he was assigned five patients. He decides to begin his day. He spends time with each patient, getting to know them well enough to know how to treat them. He takes pleasure in hearing everyone's tales. His first four patients were slightly more senior. His latest patient was 22 years old. He checks his clipboard after leaving Mrs. Gellar's to see who his last stop was: "Shawn Williams." He looks at his watch and notices that it's about 4 p.m. He sighs and walks over to Shawn's room. Fortunately, it was close to his office, so he wouldn't have to go far.

He knocks on the door before entering. Ash enters the space and says, "Hello." When Shawn sees him enter the room, he immediately becomes alarmed. "Hi, Shawn. How are you?" he asks. "Well, I was doing very well... until now," Shawn quips sarcastically. Ash gives him a puzzled look. "What exactly does that mean?" he wonders. "What are you doing here? And who are you?" Shawn asks while attempting to read his name tag. "I am Dr. Ash Green, your new doctor," he introduces himself. "Aasshh Ggrreenn," Shawn dragged his name. "I see." Ash nods awkwardly and walks over to Shawn's file to see what the nurses or prior doctors may have noted. "So, what are you supposed to do?" Shawn inquires, suspicious. He didn't seem to like the new doctor. "I'm going to take your vitals, and then we'll sit down and talk. I enjoy getting to know each of my patients," Ash says as he sets down the medical file and walks over to where Shawn is sitting. "All right, do your job," he says. "I was going to do it even if you wouldn't let me," Ash thought to himself. He then checks his blood pressure, body temperature, and pulse rate.

"Everything appears to be fine. I've read that you experience nightmares. Have you had any recently?" he asks. He takes a seat across from Shawn on the single couch. "Yes, I had a dream - someone stabbed me," he responds. There is complete silence. "Is that all? Is there anything else that happened in that dream that you can remember?" Ash asks. Shawn responds by shaking his head. "All right, so how did that make you feel?" Ash asks. "I guess I was scared." Ash nods slightly and pulls out the small notepad and pen from his coat. Shawn slants his head. "What are you writing over there?" he asks as he gets closer.

"It's just some assessment notes. That's all," Ash says as he puts his small book away. "I see," was all he could say. "So, how was your day so far? Or before I came in and ruined your afternoon," Ash remarked. "It was okay, I guess," Shawn added. "Is there anything else you'd like to tell me?" Ash wants to know. Shawn shakes his head. "Okay. Then I guess I'll be on my way. Your teatime snack should arrive soon. I'll check on you later," Ash replies as he walks out of the room. "Okay. I'll be waiting for my snack... and you," Shawn says, attempting to be sexy. Ash looks back.

"Weirdo," Ash thinks to himself. They say their goodbyes, and Ash exits the room.

Sometime later, Shawn receives his snack and return to his book. He glances up a half-hour later to see Ash walking by. HIs eyes moves along as he passes. Ash notices and decides to check in on him. "Um, is everything alright?" Ash wonders aloud as he pops his head into the room. "Yeah, everything's OK," Shawn responds flatly. "Then why are you staring at me so weirdly?" Ash asks, making a funny face. "Weirdly or seductively?" Shawn smirks. "Wait, is that what you're doing?" Ash analyzes. "Nope. But if you want me to, I could." "I'm sorry, but a doctor cannot be romantically involved with any of his patients." "Oh. I guess that's sad." There is a brief pause before Shawn abruptly tells Ash to go. "That's rude of you to say. I am free to come and go as I like," Ash points out. "But this is my room," Shawn declares. "And? I'm your doctor. I have a free pass," Ash reassures him. "I need privacy," Shawn said. "You'll get it," Ash promises. "What are you doing here now?" Shawn questions. He explains that he noticed Shawn watching him through the window as he passed by and thought that he might looking for him. "Why would I? Are you my boyfriend?" Shawn bites. "Excuse me for being a caring doctor to my patients," Ash says. "Well, if you're done caring about me, you can leave," Shawn grumbles. "Fine!" Ash exclaims as he storms out.

"What the fuck was I thinking?" Shawn mutters to himself before letting out a loud groan. Ash heads to reception, hoping to speak to someone who could give more background on Shawn. He enters the breakroom and sees Nurse Judy. He approaches and ask her to tell him what she knows about Shawn Williams.

After hearing what had happened to Shawn, changed his perspective on him. It's not his fault; it's just how he's wired. He decides to go apologize for his behaviour. He lightly knocks on the door, before entering. "Hey." "What?" "Listen, I just wanted to apologize for what happened before. It was inappropriate of me," Ash admits. "I'm sorry too. I should not have been so rude," Shawn says. "It's fine. We exchanged words, which I regret. I should not have raised my voice at you," Ash continues. "You're right. I wanted to murder you right then," he laughs quietly. "Wait, are you serious?" Ash asks, in between laughs. "Yeah, but you probably have someone who cares about you, so I spared your life," Shawn replies. " I don't have anyone," Ash says. "Oh, that's terrific!" "It is?" "Well, at least for me." "What does that mean?" "I don't know; nothing." Ash remains silent. "So, what are you still doing here?" Shawn says with a smile. "I'm here if you need to talk," Ash says softly. "Thank you, but I don't have anything to say," Shawn says. Ash asks whether he's certain. "Yeah." "I asked around about you. One of the nurses informed me what happened," Ash says. "I'm sorry."

"Great."

Ash moves to Shawn's bedside and lightly brushes his knee. His cheeks immediately turn red. "It's alright. Whatever you say stays between us and in this room," Ash says this to make sure Shawn understands he shouldn't be frightened to speak up. He paused briefly before approaching Ash and pulling him in for a hug. "I love you," he says quietly. Ash had a surprised look on his face. He wasn't sure if he should return the hug or say anything. "Um, thanks, I guess," Ash says as he breaks the hug. Shawn returns to his seat, wiping a tear from his cheek. "You're welcome." Ash clears his throat. "You're free to leave," Shawn says, drawing his legs to his chest. "Is there anything else you'd like to say? You seem to be thinking of something," Ash questions. "What do you suppose it is?" Shawn asks. In response, Ash shrugs. "There's nothing," he says. "All right," Ash says as he stands up. "I'll see you in the morning." "Bye." Ash walks out of the room.

The next day, he returns to Shawn's room. He knocks. "Come in," a voice says. "Good morning," Ash says as he enters the room. "Good morning," Shawn responds. "How did you sleep? Any nightmares?" "Great. No nightmares, either." Ash's smile makes his heart skip a beat. "Do you have any plans for today?" Ash begins by asking. Shawn looks around. "Is that supposed to be a joke?" he wonders. "No, no, no. I didn't mean it that way. It's just that I checked my schedule for the day, and you appear to be my only patient," Ash cracks a nervous grin. "I was hoping I could keep you company." He runs his fingers through his hair. "Oh. Really?" Shawn asks. Ash nods his head. "Um, okay. Sure, I don’t mind the company," Shawn exclaims. "Thanks. So, what do you want to do?" "I'm not sure. Do you want to maybe watch a movie?" Shawn asks. "All right, what do you have in mind?" "You." Ash's head jerks. "I mean, it's up to you," he corrects himself. "Oh OK. Why don't you pick one and I'll go get some snacks? What do you want?" Ash asks. "Anything," Shawn responds. "What do you like?" "I like you." Ash looks at Shawn. He knows he heard correctly. "What?" he demands to know. "Yeah. Oh, and a bag of chips," he adds. "Hold on. Go back. What do you mean, 'you like me?'" Ash questions, perplexed. Shawn groans. "Didn't I tell you yesterday that I love you?" "Yes, but I didn't give it much thought. I thought you just said that," Ash says. "I was serious." "I'm sorry, Shawn, but nothing can happen between us. You're my patient. I'm devoted to my work," Ash says. "I see." "I'm sorry." There is complete silence. "I'll get the snacks. I'll be right back." "I'm OK. I don't want anything," Shawn exclaims. "Well, I want something," Ash retorts. "Then get it for yourself." "That's the plan."

Shawn had already chosen a movie by the time Ash returned with a bag full of goodies. "So, what did you pick?" "365 days," he answers. "Ugh. Why did you choose that porno film?" Ash asks as he takes a seat on the couch. "Because I want to watch it," Shawn grumbles as he takes a seat next to him. "All right," Ash responds. He pulls a bag of chips from the brown bag and tosses it at Shawn. "Here." "I said I didn't want anything," Shawn adds, his arms crossed. "Stop complaining and just take it," Ash instructs. He picks up the bag. "Happy?" Ash gives him a phony smile and takes the remote control. "As if you'd give a damn," Shawn says. Ash ignores him and begins watching the film. He pulls out a pack of candy, opens it, and places it between the two of them. Shawn reaches in and takes one. "I thought you didn't want anything," Ash jokes. “Why moan about a sweet when you're not giving yourself up?" Shawn exclaims. "Whatever." Ash sighs and rolls his eyes.

It was quiet for a bit before Shawn spoke again. "Why don't you love me?" "Could we just watch the movie?" Ash implores. "Sure!" Shawn makes a funny face and returns his focus to the movie. Ash has had enough of Shawn's attitude and pauses the movie to respond to him. "I can't love you! What the heck is love? Fuck, I have no idea. It's alien to me. I was never able to experience love. How can you expect me to love you?" Ash erupts. Shawn gives him a calm gaze. He's at a loss for words. "Then why don't you give it a shot?" he suggests. "Because I've never had the luxury of knowing how. No one ever showed me how. My mother was a drunk, and my father abandoned us when I was born. I practically had to raise myself. I didn't have time to love anyone. It was just me against the entire world," Ash explains. "It's too late to learn now. I'm OK on my own." "You're so obnoxious, God. Let's just watch the movie," Shawn says as he resumes the movie. Ash takes the remote and pauses the movie again. "No. Don't start something you can't finish," Ash points out. "Why do you love me? We barely know each other. You hardly know who I am. You had no idea I existed until yesterday. You can't fall in love with someone you've just met."

"Nice Frozen quote," Shawn remarks sarcastically. "Will you accept me if I ask you out exactly one month from now?" Ash gives him a look. "What?" he thinks. "Will you?" Shawn accentuates. "How come you love me?" Ash dodges his question. "Because you're better than my ex," Shawn says. "You also treat me better." Ash raises his brow. "In what sense? You've only known me for 24 hours, and that's what you came up with?" He investigates. Shawn remains silent. He takes the remote and restarts the movie. Ash pauses the movie once more, but this time he keeps the remote. "What exactly do you want me to do?" Shawn yells. "Talk, dammit!" They lock their gazes on one other. Either one waiting for the other to speak up. "I love you - isn't that enough?" Shawn shouts. "Why? What is it that makes you feel this way?" Ash questions. "I don't know; you look good?" Shawn says, a little hesitantly. He brings his knees to his chest. "Or, you know, consider me the idiot who falls in love with anyone." "You're not an idiot," Ash says, sighing. "I can't explain why I love you. I simply do," he replies. There is complete silence. Shawn asks Ash for the remote and returns to the movie. They both sat in silence while watching the movie and eating snacks.

Shawn clears his throat as the sex scene begins. "Is there something wrong? Do you want a drink of water?" Ash asks, concerned. Shawn responds by shaking his head. He does not take his eyes off the TV. "Are you a virgin?" he says, breaking the silence. "What? Why are you asking me that?" Ash frowns at him. "I don't know; I'm just wondering," he says. "I'm not sure why I'm even telling you this, but I am," he admits. "Oh." "Why do you sound surprised?" "Nothing." There was silence once more. "Have you ever kissed anyone?" "No." Ash's gaze was fixated on the screen. He hears a gasp . "Stop acting surprised." "All right," Shawn says. Neither spoke throughout the movie.

As the end credits rolled, Ash glances over at Shawn, who's sleeping with his head on his shoulder. He attempts to rouse him awake so he can get into bed and Ash can leave him to sleep. Shawn does not wake up. Ash decides to leave him and spend the night there. As Shawn sleep, he turns to look at him. "God, what are you doing to me? Even while you're asleep, you look beautiful," Ash thinks to himself. Shawn's hand lands on his thigh. He attempts to shift it, but it just bounces back. Shawn wraps his arm around Ash's waist and pulls him in closer.

"Please stop."

Shawn finally wakes up the next morning. He looks around and notices Ash on his phone next to him. "Um, hey," Shawn says. "Good morning," Ash says, glancing up from his phone. "How did you sleep?" "Okay, I guess. What are you still doing here?" "You fell asleep on my shoulder and refused to let me go. So, I had no choice," Ash laughs. "Oh, I'm sorry," Shawn says. "That's OK. I guess I'll be on my way," Ash replies as he stands up. He looks down at Shawn, and their gazes meet. "Bye," Shawn says. Ash blinks, breaking the stare, and says goodbye. But before he could leave, Shawn stands up and kisses his cheek. Ash felt flushed as he turns to leave.

Shawn later finds Ash at the hospital, freshly dressed. He's standing at the front desk, conversing with an attractive nurse. At one point, he appears to be kissing her. Shawn became upset. He was furious. Everything they talked about the day before was a joke to him. He notices Ash giggling and stroking the nurse's shoulder. He observes Ash as he walks toward his room. He notices him through the window. He could feel the bad vibes as soon as he walked in. "Hello there," he says. "What? Do you still remember me?" Shawn sighs and rolls his eyes. "What's up with the attitude?" Ash asks. "What brings you here?" Shawn asks. He rises and walks about his room. "I wanted to check in on you. In case you have forgotten, you are still my patient," Ash explains. "I haven't, but you'll probably forget soon enough," Shawn says.

Ash gives him a concerned look. "You just lost your first kiss. Also, have you gone insane?" Shawn confronts him. "Wow, calm down. Who did I kiss?" Ash asks. "I saw you with that fucking hot nurse over at reception!" Shawn shouts. "What nurse? Nurse Rose?" Ash asks. Shawn gives a nod. Ash bursts out laughing. "What are you laughing about? This isn't amusing to me," Shawn replies, staring at Ash, who is still laughing. Finally, the laughter stops. "Don't be delusional. Nurse Rose is married," Ash says, wiping away an imaginary tear. "What's the big deal? That means nothing." "It does if you're married." Shawn feels humiliated for assuming Ash would kiss the nurse, but he persists. "Well, did you have to be so close with her?" he wonders. "She told me a joke," Ash says. Shawn sighs and rolls his eyes. "Why do I have to explain myself to you? You're my patient. Nothing else," Ash says. Shawn glares at him with resentment and disgust. "I'm sorry for crossing a line, Dr. Ash Green. Do your check-up and leave," he says. "It's my off day," Ash responds. "So, what are you doing here then?" Shawn asks. He avoided making direct eye contact. "I wanted to treat you to an afternoon out. I persuaded management to let me take you somewhere for a hot minute. But I suppose not," Ash adds as he runs his fingers through his hair. "Why not?" "You're giving me shit." Shawn stares at him and urges him to get lost. "You know what, eff you," Ash yells as he places his coat on a nearby table. "All I've ever done is be polite to you, and you've been giving me shit since." He was at his wits' end. Why did he have to be kind to a jerk of a patient who has been giving him crap about everything?

"Being polite to me? Is rejecting me your idea of being nice?" Shawn demands to know as he gets out of bed. "When did I reject you?" Ash questions.

Things became more tense in the room. It started attracting the attention of everyone who passed by. Fortunately, all rooms are soundproof.

"Are you insane? I've been telling you for the past few days that I love you!" Shawn admits once more. "Fuck Shawn. What exactly do you not understand? Love doesn't exist to me. I had no one who loved me or whom I could love. You've made a huge mistake by falling for me. I won't be able to love you in the way you expect," Ash shouts, attempting to persuade Shawn of his point of view. "Stop giving me shit for something I've told you multiple times."

Nurse Rose enters the room. "Is everything alright in here?" "Bitch, please!" Shawn exclaims and throws his hands in the air. "Shawn!" Ash shouts, before responding to Rose. "Yes, everything is OK, nurse. Could you please clear the hallway?" She nods and exits the room. Ash draws the blinds shut.

"Why the fuck would you do that?" Ash asks. "You know what, don't even respond. I already know the answer. There is complete silence. While Ash paces the room, Shawn moves to stand at the window, which looked out onto the lovely garden outside. Then he recalls Ash's intention to take him out for the day. "You said you'd take me somewhere, didn't you?" "Well, that was the plan," Ash says. "Well, then, I'd rather go with Dr. Ken," he replies, hoping to make Ash envious. "Dr. Ken? Why Dr. Ken? He's no longer your doctor," Ash says. "So? He treats me better than you," Shawn says. "He's old, has a life, and more important things to do than gallivant around with you." "And I have no life?" Shawn asks. "Well, you're caged up here, aren't you?" Ash makes a comment. Shawn approaches Ash and grasps his collar. "Bitch, I've got a better life than you." He shoves him away. "Is that why your boyfriend beat you to a pulp?" Ash speaks before thinking. In shock, he gasps and covers his mouth. "I'm sorry, Shawn. I didn't mean it." Shawn bursts into tears. "And you call yourself a doctor?" He collapses to his knees. "I'm sorry. I don't know why I said that. I didn't mean it," Ash says. He bends down to soothe Shawn when he roared, "Get the fuck out of here. Now!" "No, Shawn, please listen to me," Ash begs before being cut off.

Shawn gets up and walks away. "Shawn, please come back," Ash begs. He ignores him. Shawn collides with Dr. Ken in the corridor. "Oh, Dr. Ken. Good afternoon," Ash stutters. Shawn looks at Ash before sobbing and clutching Dr. Ken. "What the hell is going on? Dr. Green, control your patient," the doctor shouts. Ash tries to yank Shawn off. This sparked a buzz in the hallway. "Shawn, leave Dr. Ken," Ash urges. Finally, Shawn let go of Dr. Ken and walks away. "I'm very sorry, doctor. Shawn is just having a horrible day today," he explains as he guides Shawn back to his room. He snapped once the door was shut. "What the fuck was that? Are you trying to have me fired?" "Maybe I should have. Dr. Ken might then be my doctor again." Shawn wipes away his tears. "He's friendlier." "That's not fair. You can't compare us. We're two distinct individuals with opposing perspectives," Ash says. "Well, I know he's got a heart, and you don't," Shawn adds. "I was ready to treat you to a day out, but all you want to do is argue," Ash replies. He collapses into the couch, rubbing his temples. "Just forget it. You're my doctor, and I'm your patient," Shawn says. "Happy?" He is sitting on the side of his bed. "No. Let's finish this," Ash says. "How many fucking times do I have to tell you that I love you?" Shawn repeats what he's been saying all day. "How can you love someone who doesn't even know what love is?" Ash asks. Shawn glances at him. Ash stands up and walks to the door. "I do love you," Shawn says. "Let's just go. Please."

He's halfway to the door when Shawn grabs his arm and pulls him in for a kiss. They kiss passionately. Shawn attempts to deepen the kiss, but Ash pulls back. "No. This can’t happen," Ash exhales heavily. "Why can't we? You could feel the spark in that kiss," Shawn says. He leans his forehead onto Ash's and places his hand on the back of his neck. "It's wrong. It's prohibited," Ash says. "Then just leave," Shawn says, releasing grip of his neck. "Aren't you coming with me?" he asks. "All right, let's just go." Shawn grabs his jacket and walks with Ash out of the hospital and to his car. "Buckle up," Ash advises. "Where would you like to go?" "Where did you want to go?" Shawn asks, rephrasing Ash's question. "I was going to let you decide," Ash laughs. "The beach?" he asks. "Sure thing. You hungry?" Ash asks. Shawn responds with a nod. "What do you feel like?" Ash asks, as he drives the car out of the parking lot. "Lonely," Shawn says as he peers out the window. "Shawn, please..." Ash began. "Yeah?" "I'm done fighting with you. I've had enough."

There is complete silence in the car. The radio was turned off, so the only sounds they could hear were cars passing by. "It would have been more fun if Dr. Ken had joined us," Shawn comments. "Fuck Shawn, just fucking stop!" Ash shouts. "What?" He pulls over. "Do you want to know the fucking truth?" "I do," Shawn confirms. "Never in my life have I felt like this. But with you, I do. What it is, I have no idea. Is this love? Is it designed to make your heart race and your stomach knot?" Ash thinks out loud. Shawn looks him in the eyes. He grabs Ash by the collar and presses his lips onto his. Ash intensifies the kiss. Shawn licks Ash's bottom lip for entrance. Shawn climbs over the gears and sits on Ash's lap.

"Do you still wish Dr. Ken was here?" Ash cracks a joke. Shawn pauses for a moment to reflect. "Nah, I'm good," he says, smiling. Ash laughs and entices Shawn to kiss him. The kiss deepens and becomes more passionate. Shawn says "I love you" to Ash again as they take a breather. "I can't say it," he replies. Shawn gives him a look. "What?" "That word. I still find it hard to say. This is all new to me," Ash reasons. "Just give me some time. Please." Shawn responds with a nod.

It took Ash a while to admit they had chemistry. He's not going to let three words destroy everything they've got.