Accidental Guilt

I’ve just gotten off at the last bus stop. I was one of the last few people to be dropped off. I’m so tired. It’s been a long last day. Thank God. I couldn’t stay another minute in that toxic place.

I take a shortcut through Saint May Avenue. On my way, I look up and notice the stars glistening in the sky. Just as I’m admiring the stars, a faint scream pulls me away from my thoughts. My feet stay planted in the middle of the road. I try listening again. “Must’ve been my imagination,” I think. But I felt weird. The hairs on my neck raised. I try shaking off the feeling and continue my journey home.

Suddenly, a porch light from one of the homes on my right-hand side caught my eyes. I look and see the front door open. A tall and slightly skinny man slowly came walking out. His face looks distraught. He looked scared. I hear his faint voice call out for help. Being the good person I am, I walk up the pathway and continue until I came to a halt at the staircase. “Everything okay sir?” I ask. I see his eyes were bloodshot. A few speckles of blood stained his shirt. He was silent. He hasn’t spoken a word since he called out for help. “Sir?” I speak. “Is everything okay?” He looks at me and shakes his head in response. He points to the door behind him, gesturing me that whatever is inside. I gulp and walk up the stairs. I slowly enter the house, unbeknownst to what I am about to come across. “Hello?” I call out. I walk into the living room. The furniture’s out of place. I see the pot plant has been knocked over, causing a sand spill. “Hello? Anyone here?” I call out once more. I look around and something behind the couch catch my eye. It looks like a foot. Afraid of what I might find, I walk towards the couch. I build enough courage to look behind it.

I gasp.

A woman lay unconscious there. A pool of blood has formed underneath her. I gag. In all my life, I have never been this close to, what seems like, a dead body. I walk around to her free arm, to check for a pulse.

No pulse. Fuck me.

My heart starts pounding. “What the fuck happened here? Who is this woman?”

I run out of the house. I stop in my tracks on the porch. I see the man sitting with his head between his legs on the porch stairs. I clear my throat to make presence known. His head shoots up and his eyes fall on me. He jumps up. “Is, is she still alive?” he asks. His eyes quickly filled with tears. I look at him. I could actually see a small bit of hope behind all those tears. I slowly shake my head in response. He bursts into tears. “Oh God, what have I done?” he says, falling to his knees. “Umm, I’m going to give ring to 911. I’ll be right back,” I say. I walk down the porch stairs and dial the number.

After a few rings, they pick up. “911, what’s your emergency?” I hear a female voice ask. I explain what happened. In response, she tells me that the medics and police should be arriving shortly. “Thank you,” I say and hang up.

Sure enough, it wasn’t long before they arrived.

One by one, the neighbours came out to see what’s going on. Soon, the whole block stood by, giving an audience to the crime scene. A police officer walked up to me and asked if he could ask me a few questions. Halfway through my little interrogation, a blonde woman comes walking up the sidewalk. Her fierce body language distracted me from what I was supposed to be doing. “Umm, sir?” the police officer says, snapping me out of my thoughts. “Sorry, could you just excuse me for a sec?” I ask. The officer agrees and I walk away.

“Sorry ma’am, can I help you?” I call out. She turns around and looks at me from top to bottom. “Who are you? Doesn’t matter; I’m here to see my brother. He called me,” she says. “What’s going on here? Why are the police here?” She gave me “rich bitch” vibes. I ignore the way she just talked to me. “Your brother killed a woman. I just happened to have passed their house when he called out for help,” I tell her. “What do you mean, he killed a woman? What woman?” she asks. Before I could answer, she storms off. “William, what is this I’m hearing? You killed someone? Who?” she asks, with a demanding tone. He looks up from where he was sitting. “Well William, I’m waiting,” she says, getting impatient. “It, it’s Hilary,” his voice quivers. She’s quiet for the first time since she had arrived. “You killed your own wife?” she questions. “Again?” whispering the last word. He breaks into tears. I watch. He killed his own wife? What?

I started pitying him. Why? I don’t know. Just then, the medics exit the house with a body bag on a gurney. As they put it onto the pathway, about to make their way to the ambulance William stops them. He requests that they unzip the bag to see his wife’s face one more time. As they unzip, I hear William’s sister cry. “Oh my gosh, Hilary,” she says. She breaks into tears. She never imagined seeing her sister-in-law dead. She falls to her knees, as William waves his hand, gesturing to close the body bag. Once closed, they continue down the pathway. I watch as William bends down to comfort her. As his touch grazes her shoulder, she shrugs it off. “No! Don’t touch me, you murderer,” she shouts. “Sarah,” he starts, saying with a faint voice. She gets up. Her eyes had started to look puffy and red. William’s eyes were starting to well up as he hear his siter utter those words. “You killed your wife! You are a murderer. You could kill me too. What about Crystal, your daughter? You gonna kill her too?” she says. I gasp. What’s wrong with this cold-hearted rich bitch? “You are forbidden to ever seeing her again. I’ll make sure of it. I’m applying for full custody!”

Just then, two officers make their way towards the siblings and announce William’s arrest. Sarah and I watch as they cuffed him. They escort him to the police car. After closing the door, one of the police officers made their way towards us. “Ma’am, I’d like you to come down to the station tomorrow to continue what we started,” he says. I nod my head in response. “I’ll come first thing tomorrow morning,” I say. I excuse myself and start making my way home again.

What a way to start my weekend.

A few houses away, thoughts start flooding my mind. “Why did he do it? What was his motive? By the time, I started saying question 150, I am standing in front of my house. I turn into the pathway and walk towards the door. I insert my keys and open the door. As I step inside, I’m hit with the smell of weed. “Oh God.” I walk inside and close the door. I throw my bag at the feet of the coat rack and take off my shoes. Quietly I tiptoe around the house, making sure not to wake up my roommate. I walk towards my bedroom. “This house needs a serious spring cleaning,” I thought. Once inside, I switch on my bedside lamp. I change into my pjs and grab the open packet of Doritos on my desk. I can’t stop thinking of William. I wonder why is that? It took a while before my eyelids start feeling heavy.

I wake up the next morning with a terrible headache. I check the time and see it reads 07h18 am. I lay in bed and stare at the ceiling for what felt like a whole hour, I decide it’s time for me to get up. I wash and get dressed. By the time, I’m done, the time read 08h35. I grab my phone out of the charger and go downstairs. In the kitchen, I’m met by my roommate, Jayden and his boyfriend, Dean. They are sitting at the counter, drinking coffee and talking about whatever news they read online. “Morning,” I announce my presence to him. “Hey Hails. What’s up?” Jayden asks. “Nothing. Just woke up with my splitting headache,” I say, pouring myself a cup. “Did you hear what happened last night?” Dean asks me. “What?” I question. “One of the richest men in our town, William Ashton, murdered his own wife. Reason of the matter has yet to be surfaced,” he says. “Oh that. Yeah, I know about that. Heck, I’m a witness to that case,” I say, before taking a sip of my coffee. They look at me. “Wait, what do you mean?” Jayden asks. “Oh yeah, so on my way home, William called for help and I just so happen to pass there. Long story short, I called 911 and now I have to go down to the police station for questioning,” I explain. “Is he really hot like they say in the magazines?” Jayden asking eagerly. “You’ve got a boyfriend,” Dean reminds him. “Who said, I’m asking for me?” he smirks, looking at me. “Oh no, I am in no way interested in a guy who might’ve murdered his second wife,” I say. I see the confusing look on their faces. “I’ll explain later. I’ve gotta go.” I exit the kitchen and make my way to the living room. I put on my shoes and grab my bag. I open the door and leave.

After spending 3 hours at the police station, I could finally leave. The receptionist informs me that they would be in touch if they ever needed me to come in again. I asked how William was doing. She told me that he would appear in court in 3 weeks’ time. His bail application was denied, which meant he would have to spend time in jail before his court date.

God, I wonder what his daughter must be going through. I hope she’s doing okay.

***

It’s been weeks and all evidence point right at William. He also pleaded guilty for murdering Hilary. The judge spent no time making a decision on William’s fate.

Hilary’s funeral was so beautiful. Their daughter was still so little. To lose a mother so brutally and now her dad was going to jail. Poor child. It only seemed fitting that I went to her funeral. I mean, I called the police. I overheard that William’s request to attend his wife’s funeral was denied. Apparently, Sarah didn’t want him to create any disturbances. Hilary sounded like a kind person. She dedicated her life to helping people in need. How come I’ve never heard of her before? She must’ve really kept things on the DL.

As I sit in the courtroom, waiting on the judge to announce William’s fate I see him enter. He was wearing a black suit. His hands were cuffed. He made his way to his seat, next to his lawyer. He’s about to take a seat, when he sees me. Our eyes finally meet for the first time after the incident. I notice the bags under his eyes. Has he slept since being arrested? Is that a blue mark on his cheek?

I contemplate whether I should go to him and check up on him.

I finally decide to go to him. I build up the confidence and make my way to the front. As I’m walking, it felt like the whole courtroom was watching my every step. I sit at the bench behind him and his lawyer. “William,” I whisper loud enough for him to hear. Both him and his lawyer look back. “Hailey?” he says. He must’ve found out my name from his lawyer. “Can you give us a sec, please? I ask his lawyer. Before he could protest, William tells his lawyer it’s okay. He reluctantly agrees and says he’s going to make a quick pitstop at the bathroom. “How are you doing?” I ask him, referring to the mark on his face. “Couldn’t be better,” he says. I’m not sure whether he's trying to be sarcastic or not. “Are you sure? You look pretty fucked up,” I tell him. “Well, what do you expect? I am in jail,” he jokes. I smile at his joke. “Have you spoken to anyone yet? Family or friends?” I ask. “After finding out what I did, everyone I know, has written me off. They want nothing to do with me. My parents included,” he says, trying to cover his breaking voice. I heard it. I hear how sad he is. My heart aches to see him this way – heartbroken and helpless. Despite what he has done, he’s just human. “Hey, it’s okay. You’ll be fine without them. You don’t need them to get by. I’ll be there for you. I’ll be your family. You’ll never be alone,” I say, trying to graze his hand.

His lawyer comes back from the bathroom and sits down. I tell him good luck before making my way back to my seat. I touch his shoulder as a way to gesture good luck. As I walk to my seat, I see Sarah sitting at the way back of the courtroom. She looks at me.

Oh, if looks could kill…

Not long after I’ve taken my seat, the judge comes out. “All rise!” the bailiff says. The court stands as the judge comes in. He sits down and gestures to us to take a seat.

This is the moment we find out how long William would go to jail for.

I listen. I watch the judge’s lips move as he speaks. William and his lawyer stand and wait for him to announce his sentence. “…sentenced to 25 years for the murder of his wife, Hilary Ashton. Parole will be determined with a specific criterion,” the judge states. He bangs the gavel, making his statement official. The guard grabs William by his arm, picking him up to cuff him. He turns around, looking straight at me. His eyes wander past me. He’s looking at Sarah. I look back and see her giving him a dirty look. I look at him and mouth something to him; “Everything will be okay. I promise.” He nods his head, before looking away. When I turn around to leave, Sarah was hovering over me. I could see she wanted to say something but I moved past her and left the room. I can’t deal with cold-hearted people like her.

I walk out of the courthouse. I wasn’t going to sit around and wait for all of this to be over. I made a promise to myself to be there for William since everyone in his life has booted him and written him off. I will visit him in jail. When he gets out, I will be there to help him get back on his feet. I will provide a roof over his head.

After driving around, I started making my way home. The sun has started to set. I spent all day, just driving around. Thinking.

As I made my way home, I drive down a quiet street. It seemed strange yet felt so familiar. I continue my way down the road, trying to find the exit. The streetlights were dead. I tried bending over the steering wheel, looking in front of me. I didn’t notice anything in the road. I feel the car bump something. I push brakes hard, making the car jump. I hop out and race to the front to see what I’ve hit. I look down.

“Sarah?!”